Bad luck doesn’t necessarily mean bad choices, or, a bad person. Does it? It is what it is. However, when misfortune seems to be the norm, you tend to question life on a deeper level.
I have put my dream of making a living being a composer, creative songwriter on the shelf for so long , for what I thought were soon to be rewarded selfless reasons. Hell, I wasn’t looking for a pat on the back. I just grew up thinking good things come to those who wait.
When I think back to the fall of 2003 when my son Kaylen was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the tender age of five, (I always use that as a gauge) that I can certainly handle more crap. He goes through a daily regime of food management and needles – surely, my dreams can wait – I need to remind myself of that constantly, not to be so selfish! But, still, the kind reflective side of me tends to slip quite a bit now and then and I still tend to look back and think, “When will the bad luck end?” When will things pick up?”
In 2008 I had a successful business (not in music unfortunately, I have to be realistic. Life in the arts is never to rewarding…still starving), that was paying the bills and keeping me at home for the most part with a very young family, four kids under twelve, my youngest being five. Since then I went through a divorce in 2009 and loss of a business. I had to hustle to make a living to support my kids. In 2010 I was approached by a friend to manage his store. The deal we made was to manage the store, learn the business and then just lease to own. – Sounded great!!! In 2011 our town was hit by the great Lake Manitoba Flood. We were forced to evacuate. I was able to return to my home in six months but my ex was homeless for two years and since we share custody it was quite a mess. Unfortunately the financial strain was to much on the store and it went bankrupt in 2013. By 2014 my financial life went down the toilet as well but I hustled and was able to pay off my proposal to creditors. Unfortunately while concentrating so much on my proposal I ended up owing money to the government. So, three steps forward and five back (you know what it’s like!) I kept my head above water while the world of friends and relatives kept celebrating with their better half’s the fact that they were retired and flying to Mexico every winter. I was looking at a future of working until I was Eighty or dead unless I could somehow break free of the chains and get my music out there. I’m sure if people could just here some of my stuff ! I could perhaps get a decent following and maybe, just maybe make a living doing what I love to do!
After being both doctor and nurse to my son for over a decade until he was quite capable of taking care of his own needles and food calculations my only daughter Leigh at age fourteen was just recently diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I had given myself permission to let go of that responsibility now that my son was an adult only to have all that worrisome emotion flood back into my heart and soul. Of course this is all about her! But I am only human and find myself cursing “Why me?!” – Damn it Paul – This isn’t about you!!! I now find myself holding back the fear and tears again. I am fortunate however to live in the country and can find peace now and then even in a simple flock of Pelican’s flying towards another beautiful sunset on Lake Manitoba.
Still fighting the fight I recently got a part time job in our small town and continued to work part time within my own handy man business. Hustle and dream, hustle and dream, don’t give up,, something is bound to break Paul! And it did! MY LEG! While removing siding off of a house , standing 12 feet high on a ladder, things were going smoothly and then a very strange gust of wind came and like the mighty hand of god himself began to push my ladder sideways. CRACK!!! I had hoped that my work insurance was going to cover the fall but I found out that I missed it by about ten days! No insurance, no coverage, pennies left in the account . What else can I do but let fate guide me and hope that this final “break” and this recent music marketing course will help me get back on my feet. I tend to laugh as things get worse. There’s nothing much else you can do and there are always so many people out there in worse shape. So, the good out of this is that I’m able to concentrate on dreaming big about my music again (for the very short term) and expediting this experimental marketing. Hey, why complain? I’m Canadian! – At least I have free health care! LOL
My kids have also stepped up to the plate gaining valuable life lessons that it’s not all about the tablet, youtube and computer games. Dad needs your help so maybe do the dishes – go shopping – do some laundry – They’re still dumb as teenagers but I’m pretty proud of them.
So here’s hoping that a broken leg takes me closer to bringing my music to the ears that want to hear it. I have everything else a person could want minus the money and maybe that special someone (but that’s another story). My greatest personal joy of writing and creating music is still with me and it will never leave.. For 40 years it’s been on a shelf and what’s the point of creating something if no one can hear it?!
Now maybe things will change. So break a leg Paul! Break a leg!
There are no comments yet, add one below.